Old Game Review: L.A.I.R. on PS3

Dragons are fucking cool. Wait let me rephrase that. Dragons are supposed to be fucking cool. I just thought that a game about dragons would feature more bad ass dragons. I guess I was just put off by the graphic quality of this game. This is the first time a PS3 exclusive game failed to wow me. In their defense they had a lot going on in this game. Unfortunately it wasn't very interesting stuff.

Factor 5 the developer has a pedigree for making great flying games for the Star Wars franchise. They pushed the limits of the Game Cube to create some of the best looking games of that generation on the weakest hardware. I don't know how they managed to make the worst looking game on the best hardware but they did.

I gave this a shot after finding that they dropped the all six axis control to allow for analog controls with a patch update. I found that the old unfavorable reviews still held up despite the control issues being fixed.

What factor 5 should have done was look at a very similar dragon game from the ps2. Drakengard was a crazy ass game that allowed you to upgrade your dragon, which was key for me to play levels multiple times. I dont know why all you get with ps3 games is behind the scenes content for doing well but it sucks.

Here is a taste of Drakengard
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97GDQOBLk6E
(Warning: This video is fucking crazy and may give you nightmares.)

The point of the video is this. If a game can have a plot in which creepy ass giant babies are the enemies in a dragon game, it must have been good for me to get all 4 of the multiple endings. (This is the part where you go back and watch the video to see what the hell Im talking about)
Factor 5 go back and give me more creepy infants and less boring objectives.

2 Creepy Babies out of 5

These little punks are brilliant

This is the best idea for a music video. They dropped like 25 buck on a ghetto blaster and pissed off some paparazoo and got tons of celebs in their video. The song is a bit gay though.

Rad

I wish that some kid was in there really high on LSD and totally freaked out.

My Face Is Like Abs

If you have never seen Legends of the Hidden Temple on Nickelodeon you probably don't get this. It can still be seen on their new network GAS.

Best thing Ive been shown in awhile

Be sure to check out part 2 and 2.5 on the sexual side of Ben Franklin.

Thanks to Thomas for showing me this.

P.S. Thomas' Blog. tenkely.net/

This guy is awesome.......

He also has a sweet poop broom.

Reminder: Steak and BJ day is tommorow

Steak - Watch more free videos


Im just full of reminders these days.

Support Drunken Irish Shenanigans

So the long feud between Bass and Guinness has temporarily been suspended in support for making St Patrick's Day a US holiday. Why wouldn't they work together, they stand to make a great deal of money on the holiday becoming official. It really should be the day after thats a holiday. National Hungover Day or Green Vomit Day or Spend All Day in the ER because your drunken friend shanked you with a bottle because he thought that it would motivate you to drink more you pussy....Day. Perhaps we will start celebrating St. Pattie's Eve if we all had the day off.

Go sign the petition, because there can never be enough paid days off work.

http://www.proposition317.com/

Reminder Human Giant season 2 TONIGHT!!!

Set your tivo's and what not.

From the people who brought you the Brawndo Ad

Every time I thought this was done being funny they throw in "no Lynn Wednesdays". DEER SHANK!!!

I hate Texans

I have never heard this Budlight commercial, maybe they cut it because if you mess with texas they will kick your fancy pants city boy ass right out of the lone star state, and I guess that would be bad for business......I guess. Everything is bigger in Texas, including buttholes.

Review : Pixel Junk Monsters on PS3

Isn't this little rocky fella just adorable. Well he is not, especially when he is trouncing your little villagers and turning them into ghosts.

This is a "tower defense" game, which is pretty old school as far as games go. I remember playing a variation of Warcraft 2 that played very similar to this. Essentially you build towers that shoot at various monsters which are released in waves to defend your village of weaklings. Each enemy has a weakness and a particular tower available to exploit said weakness. Your given a small amount of money to begin and you must collect money to purchase more towers and jewels to unlock stronger towers or level up your current ones.

The game involves quite a bit of strategy, which for me is frustrating because Im more of a blow things up ask questions later kind of gamer. On top of that I could not find any cheat codes for more money so getting by some of the harder levels is just ridiculous. The game is slow placed, at times your just standing behind a tower dancing (it levels them up faster) and sometimes your running around like a crazy person because they dropped a million flying guys on you and your really lacking in the air defense department, then you scream as your helpless against them and they slaughter your poor villagers. I also wish that the monsters or at least the villagers had cool or funny death animations, just to spice it up a bit.

The music is also sort of lame, but you forget about it until you pause it and its incredibly loud and have to mute your tv to hear the phone.

It also only costs 10 dollars and provides at least 4 hours of entertainment, which scores it some points.

3 screaming flaming villagers (I wish) out of 5

This should play before every movie.

This is the intro to the Aqua Teen Hunger Force Movie. It also is the funniest part. Care to disagree, I will cut you with a Linoleum knife!!!!!!

Human Giant New Season Starts 3/11

If you have never seen human giant and find the above video funny then I highly recommend watching this show. The Mind Explosion begins Tuesday 3/11 on MTV.

Fat woman loses 180 pounds, media pats her on back

Im posting this because I find her fat picture hilarious. The burger just kills me. She looks like a dog caught doing something bad, and by dog I mean hippo.

At least she wasn't motivated to lose weight by some huge prize like on the biggest loser. If I learned anything from her and Jarrod, its that inside of every fat person is a skinny famous person trying to get out.

Halo 3 Laser Tag with GIANT WEAPONS!!

These are the most ridiculous toys I have ever seen. The pistol is $80, the plasma rifle is $130, the humiliating photos of you acting out your Master Chief fantasies - priceless.

I have influence in the game industry

Back in November I reviewed Puzzle Quest for the xbox live arcade and had this to say about it.

"Maybe if it had less zombie trolls and gay looking elves and more robots and explosions it would have kept my attention a little longer."

Well they have listened.

http://www.xbox360fanboy.com/2008/02/25/sci-fi-puzzle-quest-galactrix-is-headed-to-xbla/

Puzzle Quest galactrix, I made it happen.

This shit blows my mind.

This Picture just makes me laugh

Review: Strange Wilderness

Here's another pet peeve of mine. Movies that blow their load on the previews. Much like previews for pay porn sites you get to see most of the best parts before you go inside. Then when you pay your money you mostly just get an extra helping of dialog and a feeling of disappointment's because your funny bone led you to pay for something that you could have easily just have gotten for free. But I digress.

This movie is not funny. Thats about all I really need to say for you to not see this film. I was hopefull because I really like grandma's boy and this seemed like the same guys. But trust me when I say that if you've seen the preview you've seen the "money shot".

1 go rent Grandma's Boy insteads out of 5.

A Tribute to Gladiators of Old

Malibu Gets Owned



Also I think we have finally found Steve-O's Dad.

MMA Rules!!!!

Review: K.U.F. Circle of Doom for XBOX360

This. Game. Sucks.











1 Why would I ever think this might be goods out of 5

My Top 5: Worst Cartoon Characters Ever

5. Flounder - The Little Mermaid
- This guy doesn't even have arms, he is just a yellow floating face for the most part. I can't even remember Him having much of anything to contribute to the plot other than just floating around being creepie (he's a floating face!), at least the crab could sing.









4. Huckleberry Hound -The Huckleberry Hound Show
Hanna Barbera came up with some great characters, among them Yogi Bear and Scoobie doo. However they cant all be jems, they came up with some really crappy characters too, none more crappy and pointless as one Huckleberry Hound. Why does he have a bow tie and silly hat? Why is he blue? What kind of hound is he? Oh wait no one gives a shit. If it were up to me I would vote him off the SS Jelly Roger.





3. Ma- Ti - Captain Planet
What kind of gay super power is heart?! They don't even say what country he is from, they just say he is from South America. South America is a very large continent. What kind of racist shit is that for a "progressive TV show"? All South Americans must look the same and have the same accent. Later Ma-Ti starred as Fez on that 70's show and had a show on MTV call Yo-momma.



2. Mosquito "Skeeter" Valentine - Doug
He's a funny color, wears knee pads all the time, and makes an odd honking noise all the time. Who ever thought up "Skeeter" must have been high. He does have a sweet shirt though.











#1 Worst Cartoon Character Ever!!!!

Lisa Simpson -The Simpsons
I know some people will argue this, but hear me out. All episodes that revolve around Lisa are extremely boring. She is such a downer, always delivering the show's moral messages. Lets just be honest The Simpsons is all about Homer everyone else is just filler, mmmmm filler.

Brawndo: Its what plants crave

If you dont know Brawndo originated in the film Idiocracy. A funny premise that was made into a horribly executed movie. They made it for real.

Sorry

Holidays kept me busy and didnt have much time to post. They will come rapidly in the coming days.

This should keep you entertained for hours, It did for me.

Click to enlarge

Review: Cloverfield

There is no way to review this movie without really ruining it, part of the fun is the oblivious feeling left from the ad campaign. So here is a haiku about the film followed by my score.

Shaky camera
Scary monster eats people
Also Terrible




4 Flaming homeless people out of 5.